If you could go back in time, what would you change?

If I could go back, I know there are a thousand things I would change. In fact, if I was frivolous about it, I’d probably change something every day in the pursuit of perfection.

But if someone told me I could go back in time and change only one thing, it would be something that happened three years ago.

I was visiting my mother in the country–a quiet time with my little boy and our second baby on the way. I sat at the window bench–houses don’t seem to have those anymore, but there’s a lot that’s old-fashioned about my grandmother’s house–nursing a cup of tea because it was raining. I was alone for a few moments and I looked out the window and down the road as an approaching car caught my eye.

I hadn’t seen it before, but it stopped beside the row of mailboxes that serve the whole street. I saw something flutter into one of them. The usual mail lady drives a little red car, so I assumed a replacement–maybe she was on holidays.

The car stopped for a few minutes and I could tell even from that distance that the person driving was having trouble figuring out which mail belonged in which box.

I had the clearest thought that tugged me out of my seat: “I should go down there and help him.” I even made it to the front door.

But it was raining, and I was six-months pregnant, and I couldn’t see my shoes or an umbrella, so I just stood there and the car drove away.

Ten minutes later we heard the sirens. The rain stopped, and we could see through the misty trees, down on the highway not far from our road, two ambulances and two fire engines.

We read about it in the local paper the next day.

He’d turned out of our street and a mere hundred metres down the highway, an oncoming vehicle hit him head on and ended his life.

If I could go back, I would forget the rain and the embarrassment of my bare feet, and I would run down the street (even with my huge tummy), and help him with the mail. I’d stop him for a few minutes, chatting about nothing. He wasn’t my friend. I didn’t know his family. But just a few seconds longer and he wouldn’t have died.

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